Super Powaaaah!

There are two conversations that will take place with any group of friends with even the slightest hint of geekish tendencies-

  1. Who would win in a fight between Super Hero A and Super Hero B? To which my default answer is always “Batman, if he knows you’re coming.”
  2. If you could have any superpower, what would you choose?

Question #2 came up recently, and I’ve remained steadfast in my decision for many years now. My choice is, and remains, Teleportation like Nightcrawler.

Hopefully without that whole demonic-elf-looking thing going on.

Why Teleportation? Because being able to get from Point A to Point B quickly appeals to me quite a bit. Also, I tend to fall behind schedule quite a bit, and I think something like Teleportation could help remedy that. So, why not one of the more popular powers?

Telepathy– Giving me the power to read people’s minds is a bad idea. Within the pantheon of Bad Ideas, this ranks somewhere between telling Sephiroth a Yo’ Momma joke and teaching a shark Kung Fu. Knowing how random my own mind is, I have absolutely no desire to know the innermost thoughts of those around me. I’d like to think that I’m the type to stay on the straight-and-narrow, but telepathy is one of those powers that I know would lead me to the Dark Side.

Immortality– No way. All it takes is one really evil jerk-ass to toss you in the middle of the ocean or an abandoned mine to make your eternity suck. Don’t think that it couldn’t happen- when you know that you’re immortal, I imagine that after a while you’re going to get complacent and let your guard down. And don’t even throw the vampire caveat in here, because I’ll be damned if I’m going to spend my days biting people (or random animals, if I’m a sissy), and shunning the sun.

Super Strength– Cool for a little while, but EVERYONE will want you to help them move, and expect you to do everything yourself, the jerks. Also, do you know how much muscle control you’d have to exhibit in order not to crush things in your everyday life?

Because Hallmark doesn't make a card for "Sorry I Destroyed Your Lower Torso With My Loins."

Breathing Underwater– No, not talking to the fish because that’s a really stupid power (sorry Aquaman, but you know it’s true). This one would actually be pretty cool due to my rather unnatural fear of drowning, but I’m actually more afraid of what’s IN the water, like large jellyfish, sharks, and sharks that know Kung Fu.

Flight– A very cool power until someone sees you doing it. Also, you could never fly too high, as I’m sure someone would try to bust a cap in the strange man flying overhead. Hey, I live in Atlanta, I already worry enough about getting shot.

Accelerated Healing– Healing quickly is cool. The pain that comes with it, however, would suck pretty bad. It’s nice knowing that your recently-lopped-off arm is going to grow back, and that fact should comfort you as you go into shock and bleed everywhere.

So yes, Teleportation all day long for me. Thoughts?

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6 thoughts on “Super Powaaaah!”

  1. Invisibility wouldn’t be bad as it would have helped Wonder Woman out when she was flying her invisible jet, but was sadly fully visible. I never understood that one.

    1. Yeah, invisibility is a good one, though I never understood the whole invisible jet thing. Like, no one is going to notice a half-naked Amazon floating by overhead.

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