Five (More) Videos Guaranteed to Make Me Smile

Because I think that we can all use a little more humor in our lives.

5. Trouble ft. Wimpy Goat

I love the Wimpy Goat. And I nearly fell out of my chair the first time I saw this mashup.

4. 300 Raining Men

Let’s be honest- there was a lot of homoeroticism in 300. Like, a LOT. So, what better way to celebrate it than this?

3. Terry Tate, Office Linebacker

The original Terry Tate remains one of my all-time favorite Super Bowl commercials. So, as you can imagine, I was quite thrilled when they started releasing more of them online. Another awesome moment was hearing Cole’s voice for the first time in Gears of War and realizing that good old Triple-T was back in spirit =)

2. Medieval Land Fun-Time World

There’s a lot of really good Bad Lip Readings out there (I’m looking at you, NFL 2015), but this one is, without a doubt, my favorite. Game of Thrones as a Renaissance Faire comedy? I’d so watch this movie…

1. Michael Winslow, ‘Whole Lotta Love’

I believe with all of my heart that Michael Winslow is an alien ambassador from another planet that was born with an extra set of vocal cords so that he may learn and speak any language in the cosmos, INCLUDING GUITAR.

So, what are some of your faves? Share away!

Ode to Kefka

I was having discussion recently with one of my coworkers regarding our favorite SNES-era RPG’s. She mentioned Chrono Trigger, which was all that was needed to get the nostalgia train rolling. While I did put some serious time in on Chrono Trigger, there was one other RPG from that time frame that stuck with me. Those that know me understand that I have a hard time picking a favorite anything; I’m indecisive and noncommittal like that. Not so in this case. If you were to ask me what my favorite game in the Final Fantasy series is, without hesitation I will tell you Final Fantasy 6. And a lot of that love is due to one demented villain, the infamous Kefka Palazzo.

(You're totally hearing his laugh right now)
(You’re totally hearing his laugh right now)

Usually the first name that springs to mind when discussing villainy in the Final Fantasy universe is Sephiroth, and for good reason; between summoning meteors, the awesomeness of the Masamune and making millions of boys and girls cry with a single act, Sephiroth deserves his props (even if he is a bit of a momma’s boy). With that being said, however, we can’t discount the sheer evil that was Kefka. Heroes are only as interesting as the villain that they’re up against, and boy howdy did Kefka make things interesting. To me, there were three things that made Kefka the ultimate bad guy.

** Spoilers Obviously Follow! **

1. Nobody Expected Him To Be The Main Antagonist
The first time we meet Kefka he’s complaining about having to visit Edgar Figaro, who’s castle is in the middle of the desert, which is causing him to get sand all over his boots. He then demands that one of the soldiers accompanying him clean them off before they arrive. At first you assume that he’s the comic relief of the story, a thought that stays with you as you thoroughly trounce in several early fights in the game. But as his actions escalate and become more and more terrible, it soon becomes apparent that he’s not playing around. And when he has his Darth Vader Moment with the Emperor, all that’s left is for you to sit back and go “Aw crap…”

2. Kefka Don’t Give A @*%$
From poisoning an entire city, to literally kicking Espers while they’re down, to WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO GENERAL LEO, it became abundantly clear that Kefka, in no way, shape, fashion or form gave anything even remotely resembling a rat’s ass. It’s been said that characters that are totally evil are boring, that it helps to give them some aspect that makes them just a little more human. I generally agree with this sentiment. But sometimes, you just need an all-out unrepentant bastard to root against and want to see go down. Kefka filled that role nicely, and as a matter of fact…

Kefka_Palazzo_(Final_Fantasy_VI)3. KEFKA WON (or, at least won the first half of the game)
I was about 16 years old when I played Final Fantasy 6. I don’t know if you remember being that age, but 16-year-old-me thought he knew everything about everything. Of course I knew exactly how this was all going to end! Yes, there’s going to be a big battle on the Floating Continent, where good triumphs over… ok wow, I wasn’t expecting that to happen with the Emperor. No matter! We can surely… whoa, dude just absorbed like, ALL of the power from those statues. Oh, we’re running away because the Continent is about to crash land? Ah, so the climactic battle is to take place OH I KNOW THIS MUTHA@#$A DID NOT JUST DESTROY OUR AIRSHIP!

If Final Fantasy 6 would have started at that moment where Kefka is ruling the world and you had to reassemble your party to take him down, it still would have been an awesome game. But getting to witness the villain’s rise and have him take you down at your most powerful, and having to prepare to fight him again as he rules the world like some malevolent god? That’s when you get to toss around words like ‘epic’.

Honorable Mention: ‘Dancing Mad’
Again I’m not trying to take anything away from Sephiroth, because ‘One-Winged Angel’ is exactly what a final boss theme should be; it’s epic, menacing, and has a choir singing about how Sephiroth is about to whup ‘dat ass. But that doesn’t mean that we should ignore ‘Dancing Mad’, 17 minutes and 35 seconds of symphonic metal awesomeness. A final boss so massive that you have to fight him in tiers, only to face-off at the end with an even more powerful Kefka than before, a man with the sheer unmitigated gall to look like some sort of freaking angelic being.

You arrogant mutha@#$#a...
Oh, you arrogant mutha@#$#a.

This man earned and deserved every bit of our ire. Thank you, Kefka Palazzo, for your role in one of my all-time favorite games, for it truly would not have been the same without a villain like you destroying, burning, and telling us that we sound like pages from a self-help manual. Final Fantasy 6 was awesome, but you helped make it epic.

Five Videos Guaranteed To Make Me Smile

Everybody has those go-to videos that, regardless of how horrible your day has been, are guaranteed to make you smile. I had a lot of mental back-and-forth on picking a few (and I can assure you that there will be parts 2, 3, etc. in the future), but these are five of my current faves. In no particular order, I present-

5. Ultimate Parry

This is actually one of my favorite videos on Youtube, but it is a little niche, which is why it didn’t rate higher. To those of you that haven’t played Street Fighter 3, one of the most difficult techniques to pull off in the game is the parry. It’s a very effective way to counter an opponent’s attack without taking any damage whatsoever, but it literally involves timing your button presses TO THE FRAME. It’s hard enough to parry a single attack, but to do THIS? I lose a bit of my mind to sheer hype-ness every time I watch this.

4. Bollywood Thriller

Thriller is iconic. So of course there’s a Bollywood version of it. While I do worry about the state of his man-eggs due to the sheer tightness of his pants, this dude can prance like no man’s business.

3. Terry Crews and Old Spice

Most of Old Spice’s commercials are pretty awesome. Few, however, compare to the sheer epicness of the ones featuring Terry Crews. I’m having serious issues choosing a single favorite, so here’s a clip featuring a bunch of them.

2. The Count Censored

It’s amazing how hilarious a few well-placed bleeps can be.

1. Velociraptor Prank

A man rounds the corner and is confronted by a Velociraptor. Really, what more needs to be said about this? To me, the funniest part of this whole thing is my own personal acknowledgement that this guy responded in the exact same way that I and 99.9% of humanity would. Oh sure we can talk a good game about not being scared, but when the chips are down and two-legged gnashing death is coming, you too will collapse in a heap on the ground.

So, what are some of your favorite vids? Share away!

Of Nerf Guns, Mods and Pink Spartans

So, a few months back I was stuck working a bridal show on a Sunday afternoon that was much more suited for not doing a damn thing. This usually sucks, but the best thing about getting roped into the Sunday shows is that I get a chance to talk to some of my buddies from some of our other stores that I don’t get to see as often. During one of the lulls of the day, one of my equally geeky buddies asked if I was familiar with the Nerf gun modding community. He proceeds to pull up a few sites on his phone and show off some pretty epic paint jobs that people had done; some where as simple as making it look realistic, while others went absolutely nutso with full Steampunk conversions.

“Well crap,” I said. “Why are you showing me more cool ways to waste time?” And so, a few days later while at Target, I decided to pick up the Nerf Strongarm.

There are some folks out there that will fiddle with the innards in order to up the range and/or make it capable of hobbling a rhino, but being an artist my interest was more in the updating the cosmetics on this sucker. I kicked around a few ideas and was leaning heavily towards a Steampunk look until my inner smartass decided to take over.

“There’s plenty of Steampunk mods out there… why don’t you go some something crazy? Everything else out there is trying to look all hardcore and ish… why don’t you paint that sucker pink?!”

I laughed, but then thought about it. Yes, this is a good idea. It reminded me of playing Halo 2 with a group of friends many years ago- for deathmatches I would always use a Spartan wearing bright pink armor just to mess with folks because I found that few things are more hilarious than witnessing the sheer unbridled rage that comes from seeing someone get taken out by a dude in bright pink cybernetic armor. This plan eventually backfired as I learned wearing bright pink armor in a fire fight also makes you a VERY easy target for anyone with a sniper rifle. But I digress.

It wasn’t until I was talking to Lily one day and just casually asked, if I was going to color this Nerf gun, what color should it be? Without a moment of hesitation, she responded with “Pink”. My path was now laid out before me.

Between finishing the lawn and Lily still napping, I had a few moments to finally get started on the project earlier today. The good thing is that the Strongarm can be taken apart quite easily with the right screwdriver. The weather was nice so the paint also dried pretty quickly as well. With this being my first attempt I didn’t want to get too fancy (going for a simple pink and silver motif), but all in all I think it came out OK.

BEHOLD!

Things I’ve learned-

1. When painting with a color as light as pink, PRIMER IS YOUR FRIEND. If not, prepare to add some coats.

2. Not only take pictures of the inner workings to make putting things back together easier, it helps to actually pay attention beforehand. This will come into play later.

3. Nerf apparently has several gorillas on steroids on their payroll, as some of those screws didn’t want to budge at all.

For this being my first time doing this I have to say that I’m happy with the way The Pink Ranger (as I’ve dubbed her) came out. In retrospect I can see a few details I’d like to change (silver for the trigger and on the grip), but I’m definitely doing this again. Next time, however, I’m paying closer attention to those pesky inner workings. While The Pink Ranger might be nice and pretty I apparently don’t have a spring in the right place, so the firing is now… sporadic at best.

Back to work!

Stuff I Dig – ‘Epic Rap Battles of History’

From time to time I like to talk about random stuff that entertains me. Today, we take a look Epic Rap Battles of History.

The Concept: Two historical figures engage in a rap battle. Hordes of quote-worthy NSFW insults ensue.

The idea of ERB could easily fall on its face with a less talented group, but NicePeter and EpicLloyd (as well as their many guest performers) are pretty damn good at what they do. Ever wanted to see Christopher Columbus rap against Captain Kirk? Probably not, but I’m pretty sure you do now. They’ve been going strong for two seasons now, and a new release is always a cause for celebration amongst my circle of friends. It’s hard to choose an absolute favorite, but I CAN tell you which ones are top tier to me at least.

Honorable Mention: Abe Lincoln vs. Chuck Norris

The Battle of the Beards was one of the first ERB’s that I watched and still stands as one of the most entertaining for sure. Also, Abe Lincoln sporting a grill amuses me greatly for some random reason.

5. Justin Bieber vs. Beethoven

Beethoven is by far my favorite character out of all of the battles, ESPECIALLY after he flips over the piano. While Bieber did have some pretty decent lines, ol’ Ludwig unleashed a verbal fury whose awesomeness can not be disputed.

4. Napoleon Dynamite vs. Napoleon Bonaparte


First off, props to NicePeter for his spot-on impression of Napoleon Dynamite in both his looks and cadence. But busting out a few lines in French? Most impressive, Mr. Bonaparte.

3. Master Chief vs. Leonidas

The Battle of the Spartans sees Leonidas from 300 in all of his chest-kicking glory go toe-to-toe with the alien-horde slaying protagonist of the Halo series. NOTHING was off limits in this one. I think the only thing they didn’t talk about was each others mothers.

2. Mr. T vs. Mr. Rogers

One of things that cinched this battle for me is Mr. Rogers’ calm and collected wording. Contrast that with Destorm’s harsher delivery as the former Clubber Lang, and you’ve got one of the more memorable battles for sure. Also, a Mr. Rogers break-dancing interlude? How awesome is that?

1. Darth Vader vs. Hitler (Part 2)


Season Two kicked off with a rematch of one of the first battles the duo put out. While a lot of the battles are a bit more obvious as to who dominated, an argument could easily be made for either one in BOTH meetings.

[There are a few others that I feel bad not including; Einstein vs. Stephen Hawking as well as Dr. Seuss vs. Shakespeare immediately spring to mind]

So, what random tidbits from the bowels of the internet do you dig? Share with meeeeeee!